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19 July 2008 @ 03:00 pm
Bitch and Moan  
I'm tired of feeling this pathetic. I'm tired of wallowing as a shut-in and feeling compelled to leave entries about how I feel on some online forum (which is really no better than writing it on a bathroom wall.)
I'm tired of this masochistic attitude that forces me to refuse treatment, even the fun sort. I'm tired of this attitude that in being some dysthymic, dysphoric, half-talented hack artist that I'm somehow unique from the other 800 same in this city. I'm tired of holding my talents in one hand and my faults in the other. I'm tired of holding rulers up to everyone I meet.

But you know what? I'm happy nobody knows my name, that I've pushed so many people away from me, that my "friendslist" is ridiculously short. I'm happy that I care more about beauty than politics, and I'm happy that I'm from a line of corn-planting philistines...

I'm ready for the absurd, the unspeakable, the monstrosities of humankind that are lurking about behind this strange, straight city. There's no use in existing without first existing, and that's all I want. I demand to be of little to no use to anyone.
Do you hear that, Ottawa? I'm contributing absolutely nothing to your bloody culture, but I'm going to take it all and run with it.

...Now if only I'd been born that boy, I would be brave enough for the follow-through.
Current Location: Nowhere, Upper Canada
Current Mood: lonelythe mirror keeps lying
Current Music: Syntax- Message